drifting apart or growing together in marriage

© Tina Vega Photography

Remember all of the time you put into your relationship during the dating years?  All of the conversations you used to have?  The things you would do together?

date your mate

You not only shared but cultivated common interests.  Doing things together you enjoyed.  You were friends, probably best friends even.


Then somewhere along the way you stop having fun together.  With kids in the picture, it seems easier doing things with your girlfriends – after all, babysitters are rare and expensive.

spring weekend retreat

You stop talking [together].  And dreaming [together].  You tell yourself it’s only temporary, until the kids are older.

But in the meantime, the distance between you grows greater.

If you and your spouse have grown apart, hope is not lost!  You can do things to grow back together.

date your mate2

The first thing?  Date your mate, make play with each other a priority.  Do something you used to do when you first began dating.  Or explore new territory by trying something altogether different, ideas include (click on the links below for details):

=> sign up for a cooking class
=> go for walks in your neighborhood, around the lakes, or at any one of our zillion parks
=> go see a grown-up movie, in a very grown-up atmosphere (VIP Premium Seating is a must)
=> after the kids are in bed, send your husband out for a secret DQ run  😀
=> spend an afternoon in Stillwater
=> go to breakfast together after the kids leave for school – a few places to try:  Hot Plate, Fat Nat’s Eggs, Little Oscar’s RestaurantThe Original Pancake House50th Street Cafe, and Buzz Coffee and Cafe [the best waffles around!]

hot plate date

The best bit of advice I ever received was from a woman I used to work with, a grandmother at the time.  After quitting my job to become a stay-at-home mom, I stopped by the office for one final visit; before leaving, this wise friend told me the best thing I could do for my kids was to put my husband and marriage first.  Always.

© Tina Vega Photography

It hasn’t been easy for either one of us.  In fact, there was a time in our marriage when we both realized we were quite content doing our own thing, going our separate ways.

A little too content.

It made me realize how very important it is not to take each other for granted.  How easy it is to drift… and eventually not care.  Most importantly, it was a wake up call – reminding us both that our relationship will always need undivided time and attention.

breakfast date

And so we date.

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